Good Morning are words that go hand in hand with a good strong cup of coffee. Black and filled with the aroma of the dark roasted beans. There is nothing quite like it to welcome a new day. This picture was taken of a flowerbed I had created. I added a bit to it with a few old fence posts and some rusty barb wire for the Virginia Creeper to attach itself, the effect was a striking contrast. This brings to mind life is so beautiful and yet there will also be a little barb wire to remind us of those failures in life.
We are chilly here, in Canada we run most things on the metic system. I was caught several years ago when the change from Imperial went to Metric. I was apprenticing as a Machinist at the time and was forced to purchase all new tools to be compliant with the new standard. Needless to say it was a very costly expenditure. Even to day I fight with being raised in the era of Imperial measurement yet having to retrain my thought process to the new standard.
Take this morning we are sitting at -22 Celsius which is a little chilly. It converts to -7.6 Fahrenheit, at the end of the day it is still cold enough to get your attention. I have been known to wear cutoffs in the house for most days. I laugh thinking of all the times I have run to the truck for something when it was much colder wearing my cutoffs.... lol
Gather around and lets look at something which effects us all, being broken over something you have no control over. Get a coffee on your way through, find a seat you may have to cuddle in close. Please enjoy your time here and let the fireside warm your heart.
Have you ever heard the term..."You can choose your friends but cannot in family." Sadly that term has brought about some memories of our past relationships. What is sad they carry over into the way we form relationships in general where we hold back offering our full potential of forming meaningful relationships.
I am generally not one to share my dirty laundry so to speak but I have a sister who has decided the family she was given does not meet her personal standards. The reason remains uncertain and yet this banishment of the entire family has caused a 21 year absence. She has missed all the family weddings, celebrations and sadly even the passing of both her parents even though she was notified indirectly she decided to not attend. In settling the estate my parents were very generous towards us all including her. Everything was accomplished without direct contact with her siblings only dealing with the estate lawyer... so sad.
Most people have been effected by family dynamics in one form or another. Mature people will address the issue in family or relationship often resolving it over something as simple as what had been said. It becomes irrelevant quickly once forgiveness is given. If it has not been dealt with sadly it is often carried to the grave unresolved. For those who are left surviving they are also left with the feeling of guilt.
I have been asked to preformed or been involved in funerals where these dynamics have surfaced and it is sad, very sad indeed when the only family member attending is a grandson of one of the four surviving children. 32 adults, numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren failed to pay their last respects. How alone that young man felt as I spoke to him later. It is hard to wrap your mind around that sort of anger which was allowed to grow and fester. What a complete loss of love and all for what... nothing other than the lady passed away holding firm to her faith.
In normal life when we are treated in such a way we simply forgive that person and move on. I have had to do the same, I have forgiven her and hold her near and dear to my heart even though the pain is great. In my way of thinking I have made all attempts to contact her and would accept and forgive her at the drop of a hat.
I have enough technical savvy to track all incoming enquiries of myself online to better understand where searches have originated. There is one which is a constant coming from the city where my sister lives with a unique IP Address. I am blessed to know she is following my posts in social media and my online presence. At least I know she is staying current to daily life even though I know very little of her and/or the life she has made for herself.
One of the most challenging aspects is to forgive which I have done. I refuse to live in someone else's unforgiveness. I have forgiven and choose to live life by leaving her to live in that pain of being alone in the world. I am certain she has filled that void through people she associates with. I know she must also feel the pain and I continue to pray she reaches out as I would be the first to welcome her back.
Witholding love is a very effective tool in holding others in the captivity of your grasp, guilt plays a huge role in the way you live your life. I chose to live without guilt and shame, I will place it where it originates and will not allow it to taint my present or future relationships with others.
If I have any regrets it is that I have a beautiful sister whom I love and miss greatly. I simply place her into the hands of the Lord and pray He can change her heart. Obviously nothing I can or my other siblings can do will change her. It comes down to being a heart matter and one which she must change.
For All Who Suffer
I understand and pray that you are able to find peace in similar family dynamics. Everyone has their own way of dealing with separation, sadly it is hard to simply say they are dead in your eyes when you know full well they are still alive.
Make your attempts to sort through family and relationships and make amends so your joy and hope can be returned. If all else fails place them into the forgiveness of God or whatever your belief system and chose to live your own life to the fullest, not in anger and bitterness but in the reality that you are loved.
I am certain this message will be found and read, it may be deleted after it is read but the words of love and caring will not be cast aside. To you my dear sister I leave you with the knowledge that no matter what, you are loved. At our age it is not too late to spend the last remaining years as a family again...
© Rolly A. Chabot
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